Celebrating 25 years of love

By Randell Tiongson on April 21st, 2016

Allow me to write something that is not finance related but one that is really very personal to me. I try to keep our personal affairs privately but I felt the need to write this as an encouragement to many; this is a post about our silver wedding anniversary.

Last April 13, 2016, my wife and I along with our families and close friends were gathered so we can celebrate 25 years of marriage. Initially, my wife and I were planning on just leaving the country just by ourselves to celebrate, perhaps take a cruise or tour somewhere. However, well meaning friends suggested that we have a public celebration instead because it can encourage many others.

Marriages have been under attack for many eons but it seems that marriages today have been taking a lot beating. The rate of annulment cases have been constantly rising. There are so many marriages that do not even get annulled but still the couple would end up parting ways. The rate of those that end up dissolving their sanctified unions have been alarmingly high. There has also been more people lately that do not end getting married at all.

While there are many legitimate reasons why marriages do not work, my wife and I also feel that there are way too many couples who do not try hard enough to make their marriages work. I am not saying that our marriage was extra special which is why it works;  my wife and I had seasons of problems and every marriage goes through many challenges. But, my wife and I have decided that we should not only work on our marriage, we should fight for it.

People have asked us what our “secret” is and we answer that the secret is not a secret at all. As a ‘Ninong’ and ‘Ninang’ in many weddings, our advise is to always give our ‘secret’ which isn’t a secret at all — “put Jesus in the center of the marriage and love Him before your spouse”. My wife and I truly believe that if we love the Lord more that each other, we would not only endure in our marriage, we will thrive.

Marriages are important to God, it is sanctified…

 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made[h] into a woman and brought her to the man.  Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”[i]Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

(Genesis 2:22-24, ESV)

On top of our love for the Lord, we need to be obedient to Him…

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,  that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,  because we are members of his body.  “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:22-33, ESV

I would like to share what my wife and I shared during the ceremony:

————–

“First of all, I thank Father God for His love, faithfulness, kindness and goodness in our 25 years of marriage.  Although, it wasn’t as smooth as we wanted it to be, it had been a life full of joy. The last 8 years of our marriage was even more joyful because we both received Jesus as our Lord and Savior. I thank God that He has chosen you to be my husband. You are perfectly chosen for me. I wouldn’t want anyone else but you. You are perfect for me.

Thank you for taking care of me, for spoiling me, for supporting me in everything that I do and for being patient to me. When I got to know you, I saw a man with a good heart, a generous heart, a man with good leadership qualities, a man who is principled, persistent and consistent and a man who has a heart for the nation. I remember before, you told me that you want to serve our country in a public office. You want to have an impact in our nation. I still believe on those dreams. I fell in love with you because you have a Big heart to serve – to me, to your family, to your friends, to the church community and to the nation. As you continue to serve God, His people and the nation.

I vow to continue to serve you, love you, support you and be at your side always. I am actually more excited on our next chapter of our marriage.

Thank you Father God for this marriage and may You give us another 25
years and more. I love you very much Randell.” – Mia

———–
“Thank you Lord for blessing me a Proverbs 32 woman. Someone who has stood beside me and behind me even if I do not always make the right decision. Thank you that Mia is my top encourager and my number 1 fan. Thank you that her priority has always been being a wife and mother more than anything else. Thank you for giving her the conviction to work on our marriage with so much patience, endurance and love. Thank you Lord that for 25 years I have been married to a very beautiful woman with godly character. Lastly, thank you Lord that she loves you more than anyone and anything else, making her love me more and more and also making me love her more and more.”

“Mia, my vows are simple: I will continue to love you more than anyone and anything else next to the Lord. I will continue to provide for you and the children. I will continue to serve you and our family. I will continue to travel to many places with you. I will continue to do the grocery and cook for the family. I will continue to be excellent at everything I do because I do them to honor you and the Lord. I will try, as best as I can, show my affection for you in public. I will try to have more date nights. I look forward to the time when the kids are gone and we still have each other and enjoy each other. Lastly, I vow that I will constantly love and pursue Jesus because that will make me than man that you deserve. I love you.”– Randell

Family photo 25th
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We all need help

By Randell Tiongson on April 6th, 2010

Ever wonder why Frank Sinatra’s song ‘My Way’ remains to be a favorite today especially amongst us Pinoys? Every sing-along joint will have that song as the most requested number; not to add the thousands of magic sing owners who would sing that song over and over again. Furthermore, books and seminars about empowerment are also big favorites and motivational talks/speakers that revolve around self actualization and self reliance is sure to be a hit. Why? Because we just love the idea that we can achieve anything we want if we so chose too.

To a great degree, I agree with that mind set but we also need to understand the limitations that we have. I am all for self-actualization and motivating oneself, but we also need to understand that we need help most of the time. Pride is a good thing but when we become blind to achieving greater heights because of it, pride becomes a liability.

Let’s look at the issue of personal finance. There are many of us who find ourselves in a position of anxiety if not despair. Despite all our effort and intentions, we find our situation stagnant if not deteriorating. Time and time again, we vow that we will try harder to put our financial condition in a better state and in the end, realize that our valiant efforts are put into waste.

Here’s a solution – get help! Often times, our misplaced pride prevents us from the benefit of being helped by others. We are ashamed to seek help because we sometimes don’t want to face the fact that we are in trouble or we may not have the capacity to solve our own problems. We really can’t keep on doing the same things and expect a different result, that’s insane – and yet that is something many of us do, this writer included.

One of the best help we can get is objectivity. In times when we are too close to the fire to see it, the objectivity of someone else can help us see the bigger picture. Financial planners are trained to look at financial situations as a whole, from the big picture approach. Well trained practitioners can help you assess your situation and offer you solutions you normally would not think of, or are too stubborn to admit.

Another big help we can get is intervention. In severe cases, we need to seek help that will result to intervention. Seeking legal help is an obvious situation but it can go beyond lawyers and financial planners. Sometimes, a temporary intervention by a well-meaning individual can do wonders until we learn how to cope up and catch up. Or, we need to be open minded enough to be rebuked by others so we can see the error of our ways.

I am a financial planner and have been a part of the financial services industry for over 2 decades. Yet, I also need help even in financial matters. I can get too absorbed in my situation that I lose perspective. Recently, I was blessed to seek help from a good friend and mentor, Mr. Cito Beltran. My wife and I asked for counsel in many aspects – career, business, family, faith, relationships and yes, even personal finance. The nature of my work (as a consultant and entrepreneur) can result to some cash flow concerns which I can be a bit hard-headed in addressing. I’m the financial planner and I should be the one giving advise right? Wrong. My objectivity with regard to my own affairs can be clouded and I needed to get help from people I know who can offer it. Cito, although not a trained financial planner, can see things from a wider perspective than I can with regard to my own situation. His experience in real life far outweighs whatever training I took through the years. I am currently refocusing and redirecting my activities because someone helped me and I thank the Lord that there are people out there who would be willing to help.

By the way, no one can help you if you don’t ask for it. Try seeking help, it might be the best thing you can do for yourself and that’s what I call wisdom.

He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. – Proverbs 28:26, NIV

** this appears in the Mar-April issue of Moneysense.


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